So, naturally, I smear this mire mud all over my face because:ġ) Tolland Man looks amazeballs – like he’s just taking a little nap after having spent the afternoon mudding with Honey Boo Boo and her kin folk. Who shows up to a pore party empty-handed? I’m not sure what free radicals are or who emancipated them, but I’m pretty certain that I don’t want them having an oozy, goozy shindig on my chin – particularly since they didn’t even bother to bring their hostess a bottle of wine. Legendary beauties like Cleopatra and…erm, I’m sure a lot of other reasonably attractive people have happily coated their cheeks with mire muck because of its mild antibiotic properties which help evict the free radicals that have staged a coup deep within in their pores. This is a blog, people, not a Wikipedia entry. The use of moor mud to beautify the skin has been well-documented over the centuries – by whom, I’ve no idea. And damn, if he didn’t look good for his age. Scientists later determined that the Tolland Man, as the poor stiff was eventually named, was nearly two thousand years old. In fact, over sixty years ago, two Scandinavian men were harvesting peat near their home in Denmark and discovered a male cadaver, buried in the muck, that was so perfectly intact, the men initially believed that it was the body of someone who had recently been murdered.
It’s also a natural preservative…if you’re a corpse. The Tolland Man – Someone Took The Old Adage, “Live Fast, Die Young, And Leave A Good Looking Corpse” A Tad Too Seriously.įor those of you who don’t live next to a bog somewhere in Ireland, peat is a basically decomposing vegetation that, when dry, can be burned as a fossil fuel.
Just as Wonder Woman used her golden lasso to extract the truth from the lying liars of the world, I have my tube of Lumene Deep-Cleansing Peat Mask to extract impurities from the bastard blemishes that dare mar my facial perfection. Fortunately, all superhero bloggers have their gear – and so do I. Miss Snarky Pants does not get (shiver) pimples, but sometimes she talks about herself in third person, which is equally creepy. The other night, a small, erm, blemish appeared on my chin. Some Poor Boob With A Zit On Her Chin Posing As Miss Snarky Pants With A Blemish
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